Dynamic Living by Simone Craig

Spiritual. Health Conscious. Tree Hugger. Single Mama journeying to pristine, exalted joy in all aspects of life. This is real life.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Fear Jones

It's power time.
I am not a victim of fear.
I am not a victim of other people's notions of me.
I am not a victim of other people's projections.
Only my own. Well I was, until today.

I felt a vex come down on me today. A familiar vexation of fear. It came down like never before. I saw how I was making this energy of fear into meaning something bad or horrible. I saw how powerful it was to be so scared and so convinced that it means something bad is happening or will happen. I saw that this was a sure way to manifest something bad and horrible into existence. And I also saw that I had a choice. Up until now, I have seen evidence that through strong emotion, intention and belief, I create my reality. This situation was no different. With all the might I could conjure, I proclaimed that I am no longer a victim of fear. I proclaimed that I am no longer a victim, period. I proclaimed that I choose joy! Even though I was crying and still felt like crap, I proclaimed living and experiencing joy! (At that point, I was yelling at the top of my lungs.) I proclaimed that all aspects of myself, all the places where I feel scattered and broken, will now function healthily and cohesively toward one focus. That focus is living a dynamic life. Ah, that felt good! Then I started to notice the little thoughts in my mind, which eventually turn into big thoughts in my mind, like:
Well what will he think?
Well what will they think?

I started yelling again.
I AM ONLY HELD TO MYSELF! I AM HELD TO MY HEART, MY SOUL, MY WISDOM, MY INTEGRITY, MY INTUITION, MY KNOWLEDGE, MY LIFE! MYYYYY LLLIIIFFFEEEE! MYSELF!

I really meant it. It felt like I really 'got' all of that for the first time. There are other important personal proclamations I made that I will keep private. I felt so much better! I no longer felt vexed. I felt a completion, fulfillment and wholeness. I was spending so much time focusing on other people's opinions, that I scattered myself into incohesive pieces. I scattered myself into an entity other than myself.

As far as fear goes, well, it reminds me of a line in the movie Love Jones. Savon, played by Isaiah Washington, says to Darius, played by Lorenz Tate, 'When that jones comes down, it's a mothafucka!' The jones of fear came down. And it can be a mothafucka, or not. It's up to me.

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3 Comments:

At July 11, 2007 at 12:55 PM , Blogger Michele Zzah said...

wow simone, this is EXACTLY what I have been feeling since we got off the phone the other night. and I woke up this morning, like NO! NO MORE! I AM DONE WITH THIS CRAP!!! (ha! I thought I was already done) I am living right now! Life is here right right now and I can only live MY life as ME, not as my mother or my father or as anyone else.

 
At July 11, 2007 at 7:20 PM , Blogger Simone said...

wild huh?

 
At July 24, 2007 at 9:10 PM , Blogger Elle said...

Great affirmations! I will be using them :)

 

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